


The War She Didn't Sign Up For

by dieFabuliererin, Melwa_Rat



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Jedi Ahsoka Tano, Sexual Assault, Sexual Harassment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:27:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27352714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dieFabuliererin/pseuds/dieFabuliererin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melwa_Rat/pseuds/Melwa_Rat
Summary: A series of events in the intergalactic war that taught Ahsoka how the galaxy saw her as a young, female Togruta[This was co-written by the wonderfulMelwa Raton ffn- go and check out her works!]
Comments: 25
Kudos: 146





	1. Servant Girl

**Author's Note:**

> **This story is about sexual harassment and assault. Please take care while reading, or simply don’t read if you know you these topics upset you. Nothing is graphic or extreme, and the first few chapters are pretty mellow, but again, please take care.**

Ahsoka laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling as if her answers would somehow magically appear in the drywall. Her new Master had sent her to bed about an hour ago, but she wasn’t able to lull herself to sleep. 

Teth was a vile mission. The look on Rex’s face was haunting as he returned to the _Resolute_ with only five other men. Ahsoka was sore in places she didn’t even know she had muscles.

Besides the residue of physical exertion and the grief of the 501st being massacred, one other thing was lingering in Ahsoka’s mind.

The caretaker droid inside the monastery said the detention level was dangerous, no place for a servant girl. He had been looking right at Ahsoka, his lifeless mechanical eyes seeming to bore into her own. 

At the time, she didn't even digest his words before she ignited her lightsaber, shouting, "Do servant girls carry these? I'm a Jedi Knight!" 

Anakin scolded her afterwards- calling her impulsive. What else was she meant to say? Was she just meant to remain silent?

 _Servant girl._ What did that even mean?

Something just felt... _wrong_ about being called that. 

Ahsoka rolled over in bed, her nocturnal eyes landing on her lightsaber which sat on her bedside table.

 _Do servant girls carry these?_

It was hopeless- sleeping was out of the question.

With a sigh, she did what the creche teachers had taught her to; go to a Master if she ever had a question. And that Master would have to be Anakin. 

Trying not to wake anyone up, Ahsoka quietly made her way down the hallway to Anakin’s quarters. He had shown her where they were when they first got back to the temple that night, so she knew where to find him. 

She lifted her hand to knock at his door before pausing; would he even be awake?

Should she be bothering him with something like this?

Before she could walk away, the door opened.

Anakin was awake, sitting with his back to her at a workbench. He was tinkering with something she couldn’t quite see, despite it being well past midnight. 

“What's up, Snips?" He asked, sensing her presence.

He turned to her, his wrench still in hand, and saw how uneasy she looked. His eyebrows furrowed. “Something wrong?” 

“No.” She said. Her question about the caretaker droid poked at her mind, and she shook her head. “Well maybe, I don’t know.” 

She noticed him scanning her for injury as if something could have happened to her in the mere hours they’d been back home. 

He didn’t find anything; of course. 

“Can’t sleep?” 

“No, not really. It’s just,” Ahsoka sighed and stopped herself. “I’m interrupting what you’re working on, aren’t I?” 

Her Master glanced at his workbench. Now that he’d moved a bit, she could see what looked to be a tactical droid head. “I was just trying to reprogram this old thing.” He muttered. “But I need a break anyway, so go ahead. Here, actually-”

With a wave of his hand, a chair from the other side of the room floated towards him. He set it down across from his chair and gestured for her to take a seat. She did. 

“Is there something you want to-” 

“What did that droid mean?” She interrupted. her curiosity outweighing her manners.

Anakin paused, a beat of silence passing between them. 

“What?” 

“You know, when he thought I was a servant girl? It was weird, I don’t understand.” 

Anakin sighed, setting down his wrench on the workbench to give her his full attention.

“Don’t listen to protocol droids, Snips.” He said, his voice serious, Even more serious than it was when she had dropped that wall on him earlier that day. “They never keep things to themselves, never shut their mouths when they should. I would know, I built one.”

“But Master-” 

Anakin held up a hand, “No buts.” 

It was frustrating; being sheltered like a child. She was tough enough to take it, whatever it was! She thought she had proved that to him already. She had fought off magna guards at Jabba’s palace for Force sakes! 

“You know, I’m not a stupid youngling.” She muttered under her breath. 

“You aren’t.” He agreed nonchalantly as he spun in his swivel chair to face his workbench again, ready to continue his work on the droid head. “If I thought you were, I wouldn’t have trusted you with the huttlet today.” 

It was a small praise, but it meant the world to Ahsoka. He trusted her. She felt a smile growing on her face. “Really?” 

“Of course.” He turned to her one last time, giving her a lopsided grin. “You’ve got a lot of potential, kiddo. Potential that we’re going to build on with training.” He promised, setting a gloved hand on her shoulder. “But you won’t do any good in training tomorrow morning if you’re not well-rested.” 

Ahsoka looked down at the chrono on her utility belt, seeing that it was a few standard minutes past midnight. Oh. So, it _was_ late. 

“Go, get some sleep.” He instructed. 

“And you?”

“I’m nocturnal.” 

She rolled her eyes at him, but got up from her seat and walked towards his door. 

“Goodnight!” He called after her. “No more thinking about that droid, okay?” 

“Okay, Master.” And with that, she was gone, walking to her own quarters for a good night’s rest.

She didn’t think of the droid again that night; she didn’t for a long time.

It was only when she was a bit older that she understood what the droid meant. Seeing a young, female Togruta surrounded by older men was bound to make her look like some sort of pleasure slave.

The thought of being some sort of toy for the clones and her Master made her sick, but not as sick as she felt knowing that Anakin had hidden the truth from her. He made excuses when she went to him for help- he _lied_ to her. 

If only he knew that lying didn’t shelter her.

It only hurt her more when she learnt the truth about the word: _servant girl_.


	2. In The Dark

Anakin was off with her.

It had been a week since they came back from Mortis, and he hadn’t spoken a word to her.

Whenever she felt his eyes on her, she would turn, only for him to look away.

She knew he was hiding something or else he would've asked her to join him and Obi-Wan for the report to the Council.

She sat in her quarters on the _Resolute_ , avoiding the clones and the Admiral who all had questions about the mysterious few seconds where they seemed to vanish, when really, they were on Mortis for several days.

Or maybe it was the other way around.

Could they have dreamt about Mortis?

Ahsoka still didn't know.

It was possible, but dreams usually fade from memory, and she could remember every detail of Mortis.

Well, everything except for one small part which seemed to be the reason why Anakin and Obi-Wan were avoiding her.

She remembered going to follow Anakin to help Obi-Wan in the cockpit and there suddenly being an ice-cold grip around her throat. The Son's voice was right against her montral, asking why they were leaving so soon.

The Force creature lifted her up by her neck, staring into her eyes with extreme interest. His pupilless red eyes looked right at her soul.

_Not without this, you won't._

Then, they were falling. She heard Anakin shout her name from the ship as the Son laughed like cackling lightning. He transformed into an overgrown bat with a face as ugly as a gargoyle, grabbing her arms in a vice-like grip as they fell to the surface of Mortis.

Everything went dark.

She came to in a room, her hands and feet restrained, leaving her exposed to the long, dark hallway ahead of her. There was no point in struggling, but she still tried her best to dislodge the bonds. Her gut did not have a good feeling about what could happen to her.

There was a small alien creature, speaking to her with sympathy.

He called her a child- she _hated_ that word.

She almost started trusting the small creature before he bit her arm.

She didn't remember anything after that.

"You are alone now." He mused, walking around her. "If you are to survive, you must forget your Master."

He took her wrist, a wave of dizziness washed over her before everything became a blur- one moment indistinguishable from the next.

She had her lightsaber ignited at one point, and her shoto too. Anakin kept saying that it wasn't her and she needed to snap out of it. The Son thanked her, taking something from her hand. Something dark and cold burned inside her chest, seeping through her veins like poison without an antidote.

"Ahsoka! Wake up!"

She snapped her eyes open, lurching forwards and nearly colliding with Anakin's head as he shook her shoulders. Gasping, she scrambled for her Master, trying to grab his vambraces before the Son could take her away again.

"It's okay, it's okay," he murmured, holding her close. She blinked rapidly, telling herself that she was in her quarters and the Son wasn't there anymore. She and Anakin were safe, Obi-Wan too.

"He can't hurt you anymore, Ahsoka."

"What did he do to me?" She begged, leaning into his embrace. That was the clearest memory from Mortis; waking up cold and immediately being hugged by Anakin, his warmth seeping through her bones.

Anakin didn't respond, only pulling back to take her hands. She flinched as his fingers passed her wrist, and Anakin noticed, "You alright?"

"Yeah," she shook her head- he was trying to change the subject. "Anakin, please tell me what happened."

He ignored her, holding her elbow firmly and tugging off her glove. Ahsoka frowned; what was he looking for?

She followed his gaze to the underside of her wrist where a perfect crescent moon sat in scar tissue, black against her orange skin.

Surely that wasn’t from...

"Master…" her lip trembled as he traced the scar with his fingertip.

His eyes flashed darkly, "Medbay, _now_."

Kix and Coric had questions.

Ahsoka felt smothered as they poked and prodded at the scar across her wrist, asking Anakin’s permission to take blood samples and run tests.

“It’s humanoid,” Sergeant Coric said, gripping her forearm to see the scar under the bright fluorescent light. 

Kix looked at her expectantly, “Commander?”

“I- I don’t know,” she admitted, shifting nervously on the examination table. It felt too hot inside the medbay, even though she knew it was kept cool due to the number of medicines being stored there.

“What do you mean you _don’t_ know?” Coric asked, abandoning all sense of formality. “Were you unconscious?”

“I-” Force, why did she sound so choked? There was no need to get upset over any of this. “I was knocked out- I think.”

“We ought to run a scan of her head.” Kix told Anakin, not even glancing her way. “Togruta headgear is… _complicated_ , sir.”

“She wasn’t _knocked_ out.” Anakin said, watching her with a grim expression.

Kix looked between them, “Then how _did_ she go unconscious?”

Ahsoka didn’t have an answer, and Anakin didn’t even acknowledge the medic’s question.

Coric put his hands on his hips sternly, “We’re going to need some answers if we are to treat the Commander properly.”

Ahsoka was close to tears. She looked at Anakin, silently pleading for him to say _something_ , but the Knight remained silent.

“Commander-”

“I don’t kriffing _know_!” She snapped, her anger getting the better of her. Her chest heaved whilst Coric recoiled, eyes wide at her outburst.

“Ahsoka-” Anakin warned.

“You won’t tell me anything!” She exclaimed, “All you’ve done is ignore me and whenever I ask what that _monster_ did to me, you pretend nothing happened!”

“Monster?” Kix repeated, his voice shaking as the worst-case scenario processed in his mind, “Sir, were you taken advan-”

“No!” Ahsoka and Anakin exclaimed at the same time.

“Calm down, Snips.” Anakin said, the playful use of her nickname a stark contrast to his stern tone. 

She didn’t know she was hyperventilating until Coric put a hand on her shoulder. She lurched backwards, the memory of the Son’s cold hands against her skin resurfacing.

The medic lifted his palms in a display of surrender, talking silently with Kix through facial expressions alone.

“I think the General and I should have a chat in the office.” The Sergeant said eventually, stepping away. “Kix, check the Commander for any other injuries and then send her off for bed rest.”

She gritted her teeth, “I’m _right_ here, Coric.”

“Cut the attitude.” Anakin snapped, running his hand through his hair. 

Ahsoka bit her tongue to hold back a snarky retort. All she wanted was to get out of that medbay as soon as possible.

After Anakin and Coric left, she looked back at the crescent scar on her wrist, trying with all her might to focus on the blurry parts of her memory.

“The General’s just worried about you, sir.” Kix said, scrolling through a datapad. “He didn’t mean to get angry.”

She forced the most convincing smile she could, not wanting to fall out with the clone medic as well as her Master. “I know, Kix; it’s fine.”

“And the wound doesn’t look infected, but we’ll run a blood sample just in case.” He walked across the room to get the necessary equipment. “Would hate to miss something.”

She let him take the sample without any complaint or protest. Even when he pushed the needle into the crook of her elbow, Ahsoka didn’t make a sound. She was entirely focused on what Anakin was telling Coric in the office.

Was he coming up with some elaborate lie, or did the Sergeant get to hear the truth that even _she_ didn’t know yet?

“Nearly done.” Kix told her, “Relax your arm; you’re going tense.”

“Sorry,” she muttered, trying to let her arm go limp.

If Coric gets told what happened to her, then can she order the clone to tell him? Is that allowed? Surely, the patient is allowed to know what happened to them, and Coric can’t outrank her unless her health or someone else’s is in danger.

“There.” She heard the clatter of the needle dropping into the sharps bin, then she felt Kix press a cotton pad to her arm, stopping it from bleeding. “Feel alright?”

“I’ve had a blood test before.” Her gaze returned to the scar across her wrist. It was prominent against her orange skin under the white lighting- how hadn’t she noticed it?

“We can prescribe ointments that can reduce the scar’s appearance.” Kix said, pressing a plaster against the tiny puncture wound to keep it clean.

Ahsoka frowned. She was already forgetting about Mortis, so should she forget about the physical mark too?

Then again, if she didn’t hide it, more people would ask about where it came from. How was she supposed to answer?

“That would be good, Kix, thanks.”

“No problem, Commander.”

Outside the room, she saw the office door open. Anakin stepped out, rubbing both hands down his face as he left the medbay, not even sparing her a glance.

Coric came out a moment later, joining her and Kix in the examination room but avoiding her eyes.

“Is she clear, Kix?”

The young medic nodded, “Yes.”

“Then you’re free to leave, Commander.” Coric was about to leave again, but he glanced over his shoulder at her, “The General wants to speak to you in the mess.”

She stepped inside the canteen- almost cautiously. Her predator eyes scanned for the Knight, spotting him against the back wall. Rex was stood beside Anakin and judging by their facial expressions as she got closer, they were exchanging banter instead of discussing something serious.

It was good _they_ had something to joke about.

When her Master saw her coming, he nodded at the Captain to leave. Ahsoka inhaled sharply, straightening her shoulders.

“You wanted to see me, Master.”

“Sit down, Snips.” He told her, wearing his signature smirk although it was forced.

She sat opposite him, taking the cup of caf he pushed towards her, “Thanks.”

“No problem.” He waited until she took a sip before speaking. “I think it’s fair to say I owe you an explanation.”

Relief filled her, but she was also conscious that they were in a public space with the other clones, “Here?”

“Sure.” He gave her a funny look, “You know… the Son didn’t do anything _funny_ to you, Ahsoka.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked, her stomach churning slightly.

“Well,” Anakin rubbed the back of his neck- a nervous habit, “He didn’t _violate_ you, or anything.” Then he laughed.

Ahsoka pressed her lips together, trying her hardest to not burst into tears. She knew Anakin was uncomfortable talking about such a thing, but what if the Son _had_ done something to her? Would Anakin just brush it off with a nervous laugh like he was doing now?

“So,” she looked down into her caf, “what _did_ he do?”

“He…” Anakin was obviously struggling to find the right words, and that didn’t help Ahsoka’s stress levels, “He _changed_ you.”

She flinched, still avoiding his eyes, “How?”

“Through the Force, I think.” She spared him a glance, noticing his deep frown, “It was like he completely brainwashed you- you weren’t yourself.”

She shuddered inwardly, “What did I do?”

“You… tried to kill me and Obi-Wan.” He caught her eyes, his glare narrowed, “It was like you were possessed by the Darkside or something.”

Ahsoka shakily lifted a hand to her lips.

She couldn’t-

She’s stronger than that. She’s stronger than the Darkside. She isn’t like Dooku; she’d _never_ want to be like him. Then. _why_ did she turn against her Master and Obi-Wan?

_Are you proud of me, Master?_

_He’s right; right about everything. You must join him. He only wants what’s best for the universe._

_Always with the criticism, Master. Never really believing in me… trusting me. Well, I don’t need you anymore._

“Snips.” She snapped her head up, feeling Anakin touch her hand, his fingers laying over the scar. He was looking at her, concern etched in his eyes.

She drew her hand back, her entire body trembling, “I… I tried to kill you.”

“It wasn’t you.” Anakin sighed, leaving his hand to lay in between them on the tabletop. “That bite mark; I think the Son poisoned you.”

She felt tears brim in her eyes as she took a shaky breath, “Why me?”

It was the only question she could ask.

“Because he wanted to get to me.” Anakin told her, “He wanted to see me suffer.”

“Did you fight me?”

He nodded slowly, “Only to hold you off. You were really… _gone_.”

She dropped her head, begging herself to hold back the tears, “How did you save me?”

“I nearly couldn’t.” She heard Anakin take a deep breath as if he were bracing himself. “When the Son was _done_ with you, he killed you.”

She looked back at him, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

How did she know this was coming?

Maybe it was the coldness that seemed to permanently reside in her bones since they got back. Or the occasional tightness in her chest which made her wince. Perhaps it was the way Anakin was constantly looking at her like she was dead.

“I’m sorry for not telling you.” Anakin muttered, offering his hand upwards.

Taking a deep breath, she intertwined their fingers, letting him ground her. “How did I survive?”

“The Daughter.” He said. “She gave up her life for yours.”

“Oh.”

“Try not to think about it too much, Snips.” Anakin sighed, standing up to rest a hand on her shoulder. “You’re alive, that’s the main thing. There were worse things the Son could’ve done to you.”


	3. Commander Tano

Echo was dead. 

There had been an explosion during the fight when a turret blasted down a ship, Ahsoka had seen it with her very own eyes. At first, she didn’t realize what had happened. It was just an explosion. That was until she heard Fives’ blood-curdling scream. 

“ECHO!” His voice had been disturbingly full of terror, and her heart almost stopped. She knew at that moment that Echo was gone. 

He had been more than just a soldier. He was the one who would stay up for hours reading to her when the fear of nightmares kept her awake, the one who held the hands of his vod when they were in agony, bed-ridden in the medbay, and he would goof around with Fives, and calm Anakin down when he had panic attacks, and-

And he wasn’t coming back, but they had to keep going. So they did. Obi-Wan gave the word, and they ran.

Now, they were still on the run, trying to make it to the rendezvous point so Master Plo’s rescue team could save them. If Fives hadn’t just seen his best friend die, he’d find that hilarious. 

_“Who’d think the rescue team would need a rescue team, aye?” He would joke._

He didn’t- instead, he just walked up to Anakin and asked, “Mind if I scout ahead, General Skywalker?” He sounded shallow and empty. Ahsoka imagined his sad bearded face behind his helmet. 

“Sure thing, Fives," if Anakin was aware as to how much the grief the ARC was feeling, he didn't let it show in his tone, "but take Commander Tano and Captain Tarkin with you. Don’t want to be alone while we’re being hunted down.”

Ahsoka supposed that Fives wanted to be alone and she hated Tarkin, but Anakin was right. “Sure thing, Master.” She said, following behind Fives. 

The three of them walked ahead of the rest of the group for a while. Ahsoka kept glancing down to her boots, careful not to accidentally stray off the path and fall into the hot, bubbling lava. 

Anakin was right when he said that this mission was going to be dangerous. 

Part of her wished she never came, but she couldn’t dwell on that now. Her scouting group was far enough away from the others that she was the only leader for miles. It was her job to scout the way to the rendezvous, and that was what she was going to do, regardless of how she got on the mission. 

“Keep an eye out, guys. We need to contact General Skywalker if we see anything out of the ordinary.” She said, finding her authoritative voice as she spoke. “Just follow my lead.” 

Tarkin frowned, his nose slightly tilting up towards the sky as if he’d just smelled something rotten. “I don’t expect a _female_ such as yourself to lead us out of here.”

Ahsoka stopped walking and felt her face heat up red with anger. Couldn’t he see she was already having a bad day? The Jedi’s lessons on containing feelings escaped her and she made a tight fist at her side. 

“Last time I checked, I outrank you, _Captain_.” 

He stopped walking too, and his lip twitched slightly. Unlike her, however, he remained calm and collected. “The rank you were practically gifted by the Jedi Council and Skywalker doesn’t change who you are, Tano.” 

He was lying. He had to be. She had been at the very bottom when she first joined the 501st. Even if she was Anakin’s padawan, she was a small, teenage girl with no experience. That put her farther below than any shiny ever could be. She had worked her shebs off to get where she was at the top. Anakin wouldn’t have just let her be Commander because he was her teacher, would he? 

Doubt must have been written all over her face because Tarkin read it perfectly. “Do you _honestly_ believe you were worthy of your rank, Padawan Tano?” 

Ahsoka frowned. She wanted to make him regret talking down to her, but she was at a loss for words. She looked up at Fives, her eyes pleading for a helping hand. 

Fives didn’t look at her- he didn’t even seem to be aware of the tension between Ahsoka and Tarkin.

The ARC stared straight ahead; mind focused on the task.

 _Echo_ , she reminded herself. Fives had just lost Echo. She shouldn’t expect him to pick a fight right now. She was alone on this one. 

Tarkin mistook her shocked silence for weakness and said, “You’re too weak to be a leader. All of you women are.” 

That was it. She spun back around to him. “Wipe that smirk off your face.” She demanded. “If we’re getting out of here, we’re just going to have to work together.” 

She was more than offended. 

Not only did Tarkin criticise her, but he criticised every other woman serving on the front lines of this ghastly war. Her female friends’ faces flickered through her mind: Padme, Aayla, Barriss, Riyo.

None of them were weak, and yet _all_ of them were leaders of higher rank than this man.

_How dare he._

Tarkin opened his mouth, “I don’t believe-” 

“Do you want to make it off this force-forsaken planet alive?” She snapped. She could almost hear Obi-Wan’s voice in her head, lecturing her for her emotional outburst, but she didn’t care. Obi-Wan wasn’t here. Neither was Anakin, or anyone who could either help or stop her.

“Now, I know men like you would never trust a girl like me, but men like _you_ don’t make it out of dangerous situations like this one without us. So, unless you want everyone to lose half of the Nexus Route information when you get killed- which if you remember, you almost _were_ before I saved you- you’re just going to have to trust me and my abilities, Captain.” 

And with that, she walked right past him, Fives following her, giving him a dirty look. 

“C’mon Fives, let’s regroup.” She said, and they left Tarkin who just stood there dumbstruck for a second. 

Ahsoka smiled to herself. She knew he expected nothing more than childish insults from her, but she had challenged him with the intelligence and authority of the Commander he foolishly thought she could never be without a man’s help.


	4. Tuk'ata: Her Fault?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/W: Themes of victim-blaming

"I'll tell you one thing, kid," Rex put a hand on her shoulder as they got ready to deploy for Teth, "If any of the men bother you, tell me." He pointed a finger at himself proudly, "I'll set them straight."

“I can take care of myself, Rexster,” she said with a grin, having to crane her neck to look at his visor, “Focus on not getting your head blown off out there.”

She could hear the smile in his voice as he snapped a salute, “Yes, sir.”

* * *

For the most part, Ahsoka got along with the men.

She was their Commander, after all.

Rex was like a mentor- a second Master of sorts who always had her back and a lesson up his sleeve. Fives, Echo and Hardcase could make her laugh until she cried, and Kix always patched her up with a smile. Coric was supportive when Anakin got hurt, and he let her sit in the medbay office at night to fill out reports whilst he did inventory.

Over time, she grew to love all the men for their different personalities and quirks- from loud-mouthed Jesse to reserved Chopper, they all meant something special to her.

Except for Tuk'ata.

Tuk'ata was an odd man. He was older than Rex yet had never been promoted to anything higher than Private due to what Coric called 'attitude problems'. He was still an experienced soldier though and was often sent on important scouting missions because he could think on his feet- and that made him one of Anakin’s favourite troopers.

When Tuk’ata was with the rest of the Legion, he was distanced. The only time she ever heard him over the comms was when he berated shinies for breaking formation. _Disciplined_ , she put him down to- not that there was a problem with being a stickler for rules.

Ahsoka tried, like with every other clone under her command, to get to know the red-haired soldier and befriend him. Their conversation went something like this...

"Hey, you must be Tuk'ata." She greeted him after a sparring session with her Master. "I'm Ahsoka."

He had the darkest eyes she had ever seen in a clone, and she remembered feeling like a piece of meat as he scanned her up and down. She wondered if his menacing stare was the reason why he earned himself the name of a Sith war beast. 

"What are you supposed to be? Eye candy?" He asked, smiling in a way that made her feel uncomfortable.

She brushed his comment off with a nervous laugh, not knowing what _eye candy_ meant at the time. She just wanted to get along with everyone, and she figured that some clones were just more awkward around females than others.

When she learnt what _eye candy_ meant, she changed her uniform. Anakin was a bit shocked by her sudden decision, but she said it was because she needed something with a bit more protection, when really, she didn't want anyone to be distracted by her.

Especially not Tuk’ata.

He didn't rush to speak to her like the other men in the Legion did- not that she minded. Anakin told her that not everyone would always like her, and she needed to accept that.

So, she let Tuk'ata be, giving him a smile when passing him the corridors of the _Resolute_ but otherwise avoiding him. He rarely smiled back, and the only time she felt his eyes on her was from across the gym when she sparred with Rex or Jesse, which told her that he simply didn't want to be friends with her.

It didn't bother her- all the other clones were still friends with her.

At least they were before Umbara.

Ahsoka's lips were pressed in a thin line as the transport took her down to the surface. She wished Anakin were there, but he was still on Coruscant, and she had already agreed to go to the surface once she finished the space-battle.

She wasn't looking forward to it.

Rex had been very vague when he told her that Master Krell had been killed. All she knew was that Dogma was in a holding cell, and two dozen men had lightsaber injuries.

Tuk'ata was the first man she saw when the doors of the LAAT opened. In the darkness of the twilight planet, it was hard to see the men's faces, but she recognised his armour- as she did with all her soldiers.

"Tuk'ata!" She called, getting his attention. Clone medics with stretchers pushed past her to get the worst of the wounded back to the cruiser, and Ahsoka had to cringe as she felt the looming sense of the Darkside surrounding her.

What the hell happened?

"Yeah?" He asked, pausing in his tracks.

"What happened?" She demanded, searching his face for some sort of clue as to what events occurred since Anakin left for Coruscant, but Tuk'ata was wearing a blank stare.

"Ask Rex." He spat, already turning to leave.

Ahsoka took a deep breath but found she couldn't brush off his attitude this time.

"Hey!" She shouted, getting him to halt, "I asked you a question, trooper."

He spun back to her, his face a storm. She expected him to start shouting back, either telling her to _kriff off_ or give an actual explanation as to what had happened to Master Krell, but then, he seemed to relax.

"Come with me." He grunted, then he turned on his heel and headed towards the base.

She ran to catch up with him, trying to read the Force-signatures of the men around her, but they all avoided looking at her. In the distance, she saw Fives helping a wounded man with an arm over his shoulder.

Maybe he would give her an answer.

"This way." Tuk'ata turned right suddenly, forcing her to jump out of the way before he walked into her. She glanced back at Fives whilst she followed the older clone, wondering how a soldier as experienced as Tuk'ata had not yet been promoted to ARC trooper.

He led her down an alleyway between two hangers, and Ahsoka felt something twist in her stomach- something wasn't right.

"Where are we-"

She yelped as Tuk'ata suddenly swung, grabbing her shoulders to pin her against the brick wall. She gasped in shock, looking into his dark eyes, "What are you doing, trooper?!"

Tuk'ata put a forearm across her chest, halting her struggle to break free. "I'll explain what happened here, _Commander_."

"Unhand me!" She ordered, trying to calm her racing heart. No clone had ever treated her like this. "I'm your commanding officer-"

"Shhh," his hand moved to cover her mouth, and Ahsoka felt her eyes widen. "No need to shout; I'm the only one here."

"Fives! Rex!" She tried to scream, but the sound was muffled by his glove. "Someone!"

Tuk'ata chuckled, the sound making her feel sick. "Why would they help a Jedi when Krell murdered our brothers?"

She opened her bond to Anakin- flooding it with her fear and panic. Anakin instantly gave her his attention, sending waves of concern and confusion. If only they could speak over their bond.

_Her Master always said that her species didn’t give men the right to feel entitled to her._

"Krell was a traitor." Tuk’ata breathed against her montrals, "One of your _kind_ betrayed us- made us kill our brothers. Dogma had no choice but to shoot him, to which he'll be executed for."

Ahsoka tried to shake her head. It couldn't be true. Krell was a Jedi, and yet the Darkside that she sensed around her must've been coming from him. Dogma was a good soldier, and Rex wasn't the type of Captain to mindlessly follow orders. Something wasn't right.

"He abused his power over us." Tuk'ata hissed, his hand on her hip wandering across her belt. Ahsoka squirmed, trying to kick him away, but he was bigger and stronger than she was. "It's only fair I get to show some power over you."

She needed to get someone's attention, but who could help? She'd never heard of a female superior needing rescuing from a male subordinate. Would the men even _want_ to help her? If Tuk'ata was telling the truth about Krell, then surely they all felt the same way about the Jedi.

It was her fault. She should've been on Umbara when they needed her. She should've protected them.

“You’re lucky I’m not like the others,” Tuk’ata said darkly, “Not many clones would be able to resist having a little lady like you pinned to a wall.”

“Tuk’ata!”

They both turned at the snap of a clone’s voice from the end of the alleyway. Ahsoka sharply swallowed the bile that was crawling up her throat whilst Tuk’ata immediately released her, chuckling lowly as he stood back, “Maybe another time, little Soka.”

That wasn’t his nickname to call her. It was Master Plo's. It always had been _his_ since he took her to the Temple when she was a little girl. Tuk'ata had no right to ruin that name for her.

“Commander Tano, are you alright?”

She looked up at Coric’s helmet, not realising that she had walked out of the alley. She glanced towards the transports, watching as Tuk’ata strolled away like a man on top of the universe. She was too oblivious to hear if any words were exchanged between the two clones as he passed the Sergeant.

“Ahsoka.”

She turned back to the medic, “Make sure the worst of the wounded are taken to the cruiser.” The words spilt from her mouth, perfectly measured despite her shakiness.

“Sir-” his hand wrapped around her wrist as she tried to walk away, triggering an automatic reflex.

Ahsoka swung out, narrowly missing Coric’s face as she ripped her arm from his grip. The trooper took a cautious step backwards, lifting his hands into the surrender position. She froze.

 _What had she done?_ Krell had betrayed them, and she had just nearly _hit_ one of her troopers.

Tuk’ata was right- she was no different from the Besalisk Jedi. In fact, she was worse. Why? Because the men didn’t even see her as a leader, only as _eye candy_. How could she lead them to victory if she was constantly distracting them?

 _Boys will be boys,_ her clan Master used to say, _cross your legs when you sit, girls, or else you will distract the boys who are trying to focus on their learning._

“I gave you an order, Sergeant.” She said before she could start rambling an apology. Then, she turned on her heel, and marched towards her starfighter, not daring to look back.

Coric couldn’t let the incident slide.

Yes, he was just as suspicious of the Jedi as the rest of his brothers, but what he had seen in that alleyway on Umbara- no, what he had _witnessed_ \- couldn’t be ignored.

Nothing that involved his Commander- Jedi or not- being threatened or abused could be ignored like it was nothing, even if it meant one of his brothers was going to get a serious dressing down.

“Come in,” Rex grunted, the door to his office in the Coruscant barracks sliding open.

“Rex,” Coric shut the door behind him, earning a confused look from the Captain, “we need to talk.”

“I’m a little busy, Coric,” Rex nodded towards the stacks of paperwork on his desk, and the bags under his eyes made it clear that he was weighed down with the aftermath of that disastrous campaign, “What do you need?”

The Sergeant removed his helmet, placing it on the edge of the desk, “It’s about Ahsoka.”

Rex’s brow furrowed, “I haven’t seen the Commander since she made a quick-stop to Umbara once we cleared up the mess.”

The spite in the clone’s tone is obvious. If only he knew why Ahsoka was in such a hurry to leave…

“Some bastard had her pinned to a wall of an alleyway between the bases.” The words poured out of Coric’s mouth and left a bitter aftertaste, “I didn’t see what happened, but he was talking, and Ahsoka looked terrified. She all but bolted when I tried to ask if she was alright.”

He kept out Tuk’ata’s name and the part where Ahsoka swung at him with a clenched fist.

He knew better than to grab someone who was going through shock, but in the moment, Coric just wanted to find out what had happened in that alleyway.

Whether it was a clone or some sleemo, _nobody_ had the right to hurt their Commander.

“Beg your pardon?” Rex glanced at him, an expression of shock and confusion written over his face.

“You heard me, sir.” More importantly, Coric didn’t want to repeat the chain of events unless it was necessary for the disciplinary report.

“Who in the _universe_ could’ve pinned the Commander to a wall?” Rex asked, raising an eyebrow, “I’m not sure if you’ve realised, but she’s a Jedi. Have you _seen_ her spar with the General?”

He didn’t believe him.

Coric struggled to not raise his voice, “I know what I saw, Captain. The Commander may be strong, but she’s not as strong as a clone, and you know it.”

Rex blinked, “A clone?”

His tone carried none of the anger that Coric expected- only frustration.

“Tuk’ata.” He spat the name out like it was poison.

Rex sighed- as if this were a _huge_ inconvenience for him. “Tuk’ata’s not stupid enough to try hurting a Jedi, even if we were betrayed by one.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” Coric put his hands on the desk and leaned down so he and Rex were at eye level, “Have you seen the way he looks at her?”

Rex’s voice was measured, “Perhaps Tuk’ata just isn’t the best at controlling his impulses.”

Coric felt his blood boil, “Maybe, but we _all_ know better than to subject our Commander to those types of impulses. We’re bred to _protect_ her.”

 _Rex_ was supposed to protect her. Coric couldn’t believe he’s trying to excuse Tuk’ata’s behaviour? Everyone hates the man- he’s a shabuir, and his behaviour towards the Commander was the final straw for Coric.

The Captain sighed, “I’ll give him a reprimand.”

Not good enough.

Coric straightened, “As the chief medic of the 501st Legion, I want him _out_.”

Rex’s eyes widened, but his voice was soft, “You would turn your back on a vod?”

The answer was simple. “For the Commander’s safety, _yes_.”

“A reprimand should suffice.” Rex argued, standing as well, “You don’t think Tuk’ata would _seriously_ hurt her, do you?”

Coric gritted his teeth, “I’m not willing to give him the _chance_ , Captain. If she ends up hurt, you’ll be kicking yourself.”

“I won’t transfer him for something so small.” Rex said, crossing his arms over his chest, “Torrent Company has one of the lowest transfer rates in the GAR, and I refuse to sink into the habit of tossing men aside for issues that can be _dealt_ with.”

“More willing to protect your reputation than our Commander?” Coric could’ve laughed as he pulled on his helmet. “You’re starting to act like Krell, Rex. If you’re not going to listen to me, then I’m sure General Skywalker will.”

He turned on the balls of his feet, not bothering to salute as he prayed the threat would work. He _really_ didn’t want to tell Skywalker that his Padawan was assaulted and their Captain couldn’t give a flying-kriff about it, “Goodnight, sir.”

* * *

Ahsoka felt sick as she walked up the ramp of the _Resolute_.

It had been a month since the Umbara campaign ended, and this was her first mission with the 501st. It took some begging and lying to get Anakin to take her on a few missions with just the two of them, but her Master was happy enough to travel around the galaxy for a few weeks, helping people in need and arresting a handful of criminals.

Now, it was time for another campaign, and she was terrified.

Firstly, it was clear that none of the men were comfortable around the Jedi. Even as they boarded the ship, Ahsoka could feel the tension in the air. The clones gave them space, keeping their distance whilst some kept their hands on their blasters.

If Anakin noticed, he didn’t say anything.

The second reason for Ahsoka’s fear was a veteran clone with blazing red hair who could be lingering anywhere.

Tuk’ata’s words still circled her head at night…

_It's only fair I get to show some power over you._

_You’re lucky I’m not like the others. Not many clones would be able to resist having a little lady like you pinned to a wall._

_Maybe another time, little Soka._

“Stay focused, Snips.” Anakin said beside her, “You make the men tense up whenever you wear that murderous look on your face.” He softened his voice, “I know you’re angry at Krell, but anger is the path to the Darkside.”

So, she shook her head, and tried to pay as much attention to the briefing as possible. It was hard whilst she was constantly scanning for Tuk’ata’s dark eyes through the crowd of troopers.

The meeting ended mercifully quickly thanks to the clones not raising any questions and rushing out of the briefing room like cattle, leaving only Anakin and Rex behind.

“I should inform you, sir.” Rex said, his voice tense, “I transferred one of our men whilst you were away.”

Ahsoka’s breath caught in her throat as Anakin frowned, “Without my authorisation? That’s not like you, Rex. Actually, I don’t think you’ve _ever_ transferred someone.”

Rex looked unbothered by this revelation, “It was a hasty decision, sir.”

“Who?” Ahsoka asked, her voice trembling. Her hands were clad with sweat, and her chest was painfully tight.

“CT-0666.”

“Tuk’ata?” Anakin asked.

Ahsoka said nothing. There was a torrent of emotions running through her mind, all too chaotic for her to focus on one particular. Even if she _tried_ to speak, nothing but a whisper would come out.

What would she even say?

“Yes, sir.” Rex said, nodding slowly.

“He was an exemplar soldier,” Anakin spluttered, “He had one of the highest kill counts in the Company. He was _amazing_. Why did you let him go?”

Rex met her eyes, but all Ahsoka could see was a blur of tears. “I didn’t want to transfer him, sir, but I was left with no choice. That is all.”

She watched Rex leave, Anakin chasing after him in need of answers.

The guilt was suffocating. Because of her, a soldier was now being transferred to a Company where he didn’t know the men, and Rex was dealing with the grief of saying goodbye to a brother.

It was her fault, and that’s what hurt the most.


	5. Zygerria: In Chains Of Blue

Ahsoka woke up in a cage. It was better than a cell, but considering she was in a Zygerrian slave empire and none of her friends were with her, the circumstances weren’t great. 

It took a while to orientate herself, the electrocution had taken a toll on her brain. It was hard to think, but she knew enough. Anakin, Obi-Wan and Rex were all captured; _great_. She hoped one of them had been able to contact the Council for reinforcements.

She sat up, and noticed she was still in her slave outfit and the fancy necklace which felt similar to a shock collar that had been put on her before the auction. Rubbing the dust of her aqua blue skirt, she remembered arguing with Anakin about having to wear that outfit. Her species were sexualized enough without having to put her on display like this, but he thought the Queen wouldn't take kindly to having a slave dressed like a Jedi Padawan.

The cage was spacious, surprisingly. Granted, she couldn’t stand or stretch out her legs, but was comfortable enough to sit in with her legs crossed. By the smell, she inferred it used to house animals. She tried not to think too much about the thick, smelly substance coating some of the bars that she knew, by the foul stench, must be animal urine. 

Looking around, her foggy brain slowly realized her cage must have been hung over the side of a tall building, judging by sight of the city beneath her. She tried to locate Anakin or Obi-Wan and tell them where she was, but it was impossible with so many other life forms nearby. 

She looked up to the balcony that the cage was attached to, trying to find a way she could somehow escape if she could only get through the tiny bars of the cage. Her lightsabers weren’t with her, no surprise, so they couldn’t be any help. She weighed her options carefully. Maybe there was a way to lift the cage with the Force. 

No, no. That was too risky. If she were to slip up, she would fall to her death. But how else was she supposed to get out?... 

"You're awake."

She whipped her head up towards the voice above her, seeing a Zygerrian male. It took her a moment to realise it was Atai Molec, the Prime Minister and Captain of the Zygerrian Royal Guard. He and his titles were mentioned in the mission briefing, but she didn’t know much else about him. 

"Where are my friends?" She demanded, cutting right to the point. As soon as she found out where they were, she could either fight or flee. Or at least try to. 

Atai chuckled, the low sound echoing as he walked towards her. "They are being well taken care of; I can assure you."

She didn’t believe a single word.

He leant over the balcony to get a better look at her, and she felt her skin crawl in disgust as a creepy smile crossed his face. "Aren't you something, little Jedi?"

Her top lip curled back as she bared her teeth, letting out a predatory growl.

Atai just laughed, resting his hands on his knees so he was kneeling closer to her. "We're going to have a lot of fun together." His words made her stomach tighten in a knot. "I think I'll call you Blue."

"You will call me Commander Tano." She growled back. She may have been his prisoner, but she was still a Jedi and military officer.

"No," He laughed, reaching out towards the cage as if he were going to touch her. He couldn’t, she was too far away, but it made her flinch backwards, nonetheless. "Blue is my favourite colour, and you are all blue; your eyes, the chevrons on your lekku..." his piercing gaze lowered, and he smirked, "and your outfit."

She shrunk back even further, trying to cover her exposed skin from his attempts to undress her with his eyes.

“Blue," he breathed, standing up so he towered over her. It was an intimidation trick, trying to prove he was the dominant figure, but Ahsoka pretended to not notice. 

"I have good news for you. The Queen has gifted you to me to do as I please."

His news was hardly good.

Ahsoka snarled, absolutely repulsed, "I won't play your games."

He chuckled again, looking at her as if she was some sort of pet. "Oh, I think you will, Blue."

"Don't count on it."

He didn’t seem phased by her resistance. He just gave a short nod and gestured to the collar around her neck. "I suppose you've noticed your new accessory." He laughed. It was hardly new, she thought. It was what the Queen used to knock her out and land her in this position. 

The realization of his words suddenly hit her harder than a lightsaber. He, just like the Queen, could shock her whenever he pleased. 

If she didn’t play his cruel games, she could end up hurt again.

Tears came to her eyes as reality sunk in. She wasn’t just _another_ slave to this man- she was something else.

The thought of being _used_ in such a way made her want to vomit, made her heart start hammering violently in her chest. Before they left for Zygerria, Anakin said to tell him if any of the slavers tried anything of this nature, but with her Master gone, Ahsoka didn’t know what to do.

She was alone.

* * *

Anakin yawned, checking the time on his chronometer. 

0200 in the morning. If Obi-Wan wasn’t in the bacta tank, he’d be pissed that he was up so late. 

Not that it wasn’t normal for him. 

Anakin was up late so often, that the clones in the 501st had a running joke that he never slept. That he was just like their home world of Coruscant, always busy regardless of the hour, always wide awake while the rest of the galaxy rested. 

Kix was never fond of this joke. ' _Skywalker’s insomnia is no laughing matter.'_ He would always say, loud enough to be in Anakin’s earshot. 

Then he would turn to him with a serious look on his face. One that clearly said, ' _If you don’t fix your sleeping schedule, I will sedate you where you stand.'_

Anakin would just nod, though he was not planning to seek help any time soon. The pills he’d gotten from the Halls of Healing couldn’t ward off the bad dreams, so he just avoided sleep altogether. 

That’s what he was doing now; finding useless tasks around the Triumphant to avoid even the possibility of seeing the Zygerrian Queen again in his nightmares. 

He prepped the med-kits and rations for the colonists to take back to Kiros, he took a head count, calculated casualties, cleaned out a storage closet, checked on Obi-Wan and Rex in the med-bay, he did everything he could to just forget. 

He was on his way to the hangar to tinker with ships when he suddenly heard his commlink beeping. 

Who would be calling him this late? 

“Skywalker here.” He said into the small device on his wrist. 

_“General, you’re gonna want to see this.”_ A very worried clone’s voice blurted on the other end. 

Anakin’s eyebrows crossed. While he was able to tell his own men apart just by their voices, he was clueless when it came to the 104th’s members. 

“Who is this, exactly?” 

_“It’s Commander Wolffe, Sir. You’re needed in the mess hall as soon as possible.”_ Wolffe’s usual deadpan tone was shaken with fear. 

Something was wrong. Wolffe was one of the calmest clones Anakin had ever met. He rarely batted an eye at even the most distressing of circumstances (which most of the men blamed on him being desensitized after the Malevolence incident).

If Wolffe was concerned, Anakin knew he should be too. 

“What’s the matter, Commander?” Anakin asked. “Is everything okay?”

There was a pause, _“No,”_ then, _“it’s Ahsoka.”_

He didn’t even need to tell him what had happened. Anakin was already heading towards the exit of the hanger, his wide strides getting faster with every step until he was sprinting.

* * *

When Anakin reached the mess hall’s doors, skidding to a stop, Wolffe and a few other nervous looking clones were standing there waiting for him. 

“Some state the kid’s in.” Wolffe explained when he approached him. He seemed slightly calmer now that Anakin was there. 

“Sinker and I found her here while the boys and I were doing routine checks. Since it’s gonna be all hands on deck returning the colonists to Kiros, we decided to wake up and do them early.” 

Anakin was getting impatient. He didn’t want to hear Wolffe’s ramblings about routine checks, he wanted to see Ahsoka. 

“What’s wrong with her?” He interrupted. 

“She’s real upset. Been crying and rambling on about the colour blue for whatever reason, and some Atai Molec?” 

“The Zygerrian Prime Minister?” 

Why would Ahsoka have anything to say about him? 

Anakin thought that she was under the Queen’s custody, not his. “What about him?” He demanded. 

“I can’t make out most of what she’s saying, General, but from what I can tell, whatever that _shabuir_ did to her is not good.” 

_Did to her._

Anakin’s chest flooded with anger even thinking about someone hurting his padawan in any way. 

“Whatever it is, I’ll tear the bastard’s throat out.” He muttered darkly, reaching forwards, and pressing the button to open the doors. 

Wolffe followed him inside the room, and with a lowered voice said, “She’s in that corner over there, Sir.” 

He pointed towards the far wall of the room, where Anakin could just barely make out her small, shaking form from behind Sinker, who was knelt down in front of her, probably trying to console her. 

Anakin’s heart dropped. 

Towards the start of the war, it wasn’t unusual to find Ahsoka hiding in some obscure place like the mess hall. He’d found her crying behind munitions crates, in closets, and even once in his own bed without his knowing. 

But that was when she was younger. 

She hadn’t cried after a battle in so long. 

“Oh, Snips.” He whispered to himself before rushing to her side. 

Once closer, he could actually see her. 

Her knees were drawn to her chest, held there tightly with her shaking arms. All of her was shaking actually, her chest, her lower lip, her hands. With her teary eyes scrunched up in pain, she looked like a child. A lost, scared child that he wanted- no _needed_ \- to protect. 

“Ahsoka? Snips, what’s wrong?” 

Ahsoka’s eyes blinked open, and relief flared through them for just a second. “M-Master?” 

“That’s right,” He knelt down in front of her next to Sinker, setting both his hands on her shoulders. “I’m here, I’m here.” 

“I’ll give you guys some privacy, kid.” Sinker said to her before he got up and left the room, the rest of the clones trailing after him, casting concerned looks over their shoulders. Wolffe barked at them to speed it up. 

Anakin shot the clone a grateful smile before turning his attention back to his crying student. 

He had the urge to scoop her up and hold her, but he knew better than to pick up soldiers who were this distressed. 

So instead, he reached out and held one of her hands, squeezing it ever so gently as he spoke. “What’s going on?” 

She didn’t answer, she just stared up at him with tears in her eyes. 

He had to get her to tell him something… 

“Does it have anything to do with the Prime Minister that Wolffe told me about?” 

She let out a heart-breaking sob, and nodded quickly, tears falling down her cheeks. 

“The Q-Queen,” She got out. “Gifted m-me to him.” 

Anakin felt his eyes narrowing, and suddenly he wished he could bring Mirajj back to life just so he could kill her again. No one had the right to make his Snips cry like this. _No one._

She started talking again, and he was brought back to reality. “He k-kept calling me all these stu-stupid names, and he-” Her voice cracked, and she shook her head. 

Anakin felt his heart go cold in his chest. 

He squeezed Ahsoka’s hand, letting out a protective growl. “Ahsoka, _what did he do_?” 

A small sob was ripped from the back of her throat, and she shook her head again, curling further into herself. Another sob came, and then another and another until Anakin couldn’t take it anymore. 

“C’mere, Snips.” He murmured, reaching out for her. 

When she scooted closer to him, he pulled her snuggly into his arms, letting her head rest on his shoulder. He didn’t mind that his tunic quickly became wet with her tears. He just wanted to hold his Padawan close until she felt safe, and secure, and free from slavery’s chains.

Just like his mother used to do for him. 

“I don’t w-wanna t-talk, Master.” 

“Shh, it's okay. You don’t have to right now.” 

The room fell almost completely silent apart from Ahsoka’s cries, and Anakin’s soft, hushing noises as he rocked her slightly in his arms. 

Anakin had given up interrogating her for now. He could ask once she was calmer. Once they’d both gotten home to the Temple and got the slightest sense of normal back into their lives. 

* * *

Before Zygerria, Ahsoka hadn’t noticed how many things in her Temple room were blue. 

She never paid attention to her bedsheets, or the knobs on her dresser, or the ocean scented candles Barriss had given her for her birthday. 

They didn’t raise any alarms in her brain like they did now. They were just a part of her everyday life. 

But her everyday life seemed shaken now. Just as shaken as gunships that got hit with blaster fire, as boats that sailed through the rough waters on Kamino. 

She guessed she could add the kriffing sheets, knobs, and candles to her list of things Atai had ruined for her.

 _It wasn’t fair_ , she thought angrily as she gripped Anakin’s cloak close to her chest. 

He’d given it to her as a sort of safety blanket before the council meeting started an hour ago. Right before he’d left her side for the first time since the morning in the mess hall. 

He and Obi-Wan (who was finally out of the bacta tank) said she wasn’t allowed to go to the meeting. That they were discussing serious matters about the Togruta colonists that she didn’t need to hear. 

That wasn’t fair either, she decided. 

She deserved to know about her own people, no matter how bad it was. But because Obi-Wan and Anakin were just as stubborn as her, she was stuck in her stupid room, that had too much stupid blue in it, and everything was just so stupid that she wanted to cry. 

Cry out of her stupid, ugly blue eyes Atai had liked so much. 

Master Plo used to always tell her she had wonderful eyes. When she was little he would cup her tiny face in his large hands and tell her that they were made from the most beautiful stardust. She used to believe him before Zygerria. 

She used to think the stripes on her lekku were a special part of her culture, she loved the sky, and lakes, and kyber crystals, but now they were all as ugly as Atai and she was left wondering how his empty threats and simple words left her world so fucking grey.


End file.
